Tuesday, May 01, 2012

Addiction and free will

I'm reading How to stop time,heroin from A to Z. It's about the journey into addiction. But the parallels to bike racing are dramatic.
My addiction to two wheels was chosen as most are. For some you realize it's out there. You need to try it. Flirt with the "edge" or danger. You've been told it's dangerous it could change your life.
No junkies will tell that the first time they got high they threw up. As a bike racer you get your ass kicked early unless you are a genetic freak. So would you order an entree over and over if made you sick?
Bike racing is like that. If you are competitive, you keep coming back. Just like "d".
You start with self doubt. Will I ever be any good? You train harder. Ride with better riders. Then over train and crush your soul and spirit.
Then if you're lucky one day it all clicks. You are The man, El Cid a winner. Then a new addiction starts. I like how winning feels. Confidence comes. Maybe you win again or are close. It gnaws at you to be a winner again. Again you train more or harder or even a whole new way. Maybe it works maybe it doesn't.
 Bike racing is cruel. " You are what you are". Can you take it? Or do you walk away? Hating the sport because you failed to a winner again. Where did the beauty of riding your bike go? Can you regain it?
I'm here to tell you Poppa don't ride the horse no more. I was once a winner. now I struggle. But it is my own fault. I don't want to train at that level till Kross time. I want to rediscover adventure rides. Build a giant base. Go hard when I want. Do new rides. get back to the "I can do that and not be destroyed" rides.
So here's to our new series of Gentleman's Rides.
Until Kross season starts then the needle slide back in the arm. The euphoria seeps in,the world narrows and it all becomes crystal clear.

So go ride your bike. See the eagle in the tree. The sunset. Forget the numbers. Be like Indian Larry. Even though it's a motorcycle and he died doing what he loves. OGQ